you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize