grandma shit on top of the toilet
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
