In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
