Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
