Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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