you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
