how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
