drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize