Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
