She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
