Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize