I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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