I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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