Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
