I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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