I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
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