I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
