Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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