Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
areolas are like halos for boobs.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
