Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
