fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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