Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
