I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize