Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
