What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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