Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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