We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
