Your face is a jimmy john
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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