I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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