i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
