Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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