the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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