he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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