just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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