Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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