If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
