when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
