He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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