You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
