the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
