as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
even my farts smell like vagina
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
