Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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