So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
