Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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