I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
