I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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