I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Hippo gnu deer
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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