I met the friendliest cop last night
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
How many fucks given?
0.12846
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
