i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just gift wrapped bread.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
She has the best kind of daddy issues
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
