my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
