Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
