Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize