this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
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