and i looked up. we had an audience...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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