Im at strip club and am horny
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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