hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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