Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
