I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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