I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
