These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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