Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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