haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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