I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
