I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Found your dick twin last night
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
