my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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