im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
