where am i from again
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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