By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
