You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
