it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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