Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize