I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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