Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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