Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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