Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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