the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
