So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
