There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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