So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
