I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
