I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
