even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
