you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
