She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
