There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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