Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
