"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
