Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
