why didn't you poke me back
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
