so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
